Tag: writing process

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My Action Partner—A Thoughtful Witness

By Laura Sturza

While I have never birthed a human baby, I often benefit from the practices taught in birthing classes, the ones name-checked in this column—breathe, push. I spend much of my time pushing to be seen, heard, known, read, welcomed, held. I breathe between pushes, sometimes because I’m about to pass out.

Among the things that have carried me through my pushes to write, publish, read, support other writers, and teach—has been the support of having an action buddy (aka action partner). We’re both goal-oriented people, full of visions and the chops to carry them out. It happens with greater ease by having a consistent partner who serves as a reminder of our progress.

stock photo of two women with dark hair looking at a page in a journal.

Even though I have a spouse and other friends who know a lot about what I do, a daily check-in with my action buddy means having a thoughtful witness to the details of my day-to-day actions and intentions. Meanwhile, I get to see her process, victories, challenges, and moments when she needs to catch her breathe. We listen deeply, ask if the other needs particular support. 

The pandemic meant that most of us weren’t out in the world as much. It was easy to feel invisible. Yet each day, I’ve had someone watching out for me while I’m watching out for her. Our partnership helps me make mindful choices about activities concerning my writing goals, along with seemingly unrelated (yet related) tasks like hanging blackout curtains, which help me sleep better. Self-care is a recurring theme.

We correspond via email, often starting with a short check-in like “Spouse overfed the cat again. I’m furious.” or “Had a shitty night’s sleep, but hopeful anyway.”

Then, two lists. The first is the day’s action plan. I do mine in bullet points, which are so tidy and filled with hope the items will magically get completed. 

  • eat to support well-being
  • breathe, rest, take breaks
  • savor my teaching success
  • welcome health joy, yes, peace
  • meditation/prayer
  • type up notes to students and email them
  • brainstorm new story pitch
  • read
  • yoga
  • avoid multitasking
  • date with stepdaughter and her fiancé on Zoom
  • lights out at 10:15

Even the items that aren’t completed are considered achievements. They mean we weren’t only pushing. We were breathing too.

The second list celebrates what went well the day before:

Gratitudes:

  • ate to support well-being
  • health
  • Mom got her hair done
  • amazing first class, teaching!
  • lady at Starbucks
  • Tom, Zari
  • handled issue at Mom’s place with grace
  • took breaks
  • morning walk
  • the last episode of Insecure
  • progress on writing projects

Beyond corresponding with one another, we talk by phone at least once a week to enjoy a more directly interactive exchange. 

I’ve had many action buddies over the years as schedules and priorities have changed, and I’ve found them through writing groups and other social circles. We’ve had commonalities and differences, which has worked well in having someone who introduces me to new ideas and approaches.

Finally, my action buddy isn’t the only person who supports my writing and other visions. I rely on a team approach, reaching out to people when taking harder actions with texts like “hitting send on my latest story.” I also attend the WWS Saturday check-ins and stay current on our Rejection Brag. 

However, having that one consistent person has been among the ways I’ve found stability, especially during the shaky nature of the past couple of years. We serve as birthing coaches, reminding one another when to breathe, when to push.

headshot of author Laura Sturza

Laura Sturza’s writing is in The Washington Post, The LA Times, AARP’s The Girlfriend, Hippocampus, and Lunch Ticket, among others. She is completing her memoir, How I Got Married After 50 for the First Time. Laura wrote, produced, and starred in the one-woman show, Finding the Perfect Place to Live in 111 Gyrations. She recently started teaching writing to older adults. Laura lived in L.A. for 20 years and is now in Rockville, Maryland. laurasturza.com

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Breathe & Push: A Writer’s Work Begins Again and Again

By Nicole R. Zimmerman

Photo by Yannick Pulver on Unsplash 

“One thing I know about writing is that you don’t have to be in the mood to do it.”  — Julia Cameron, The Right to Write

Morning pages. Morning stillness. Starting anew on a Monday. Stars are still visible while birds sing up the day as you sit in your pajamas to write. If all you ever penned were these pages, would they be enough? Doubtful. Your hunger is a whisper, gnawing from within. No need to feed the beast an entire feast at once. It’s easy to get overwhelmed. 

Start with a few words, a few pages. Find relief writing in the cool morning. No pressure to produce. No worries about whether or not it’s worthy—of that award, that publication. Just put words on this page. And that one. Grateful for the blue pen at 5:30 AM. Turn to the next. See how easy that was? Here’s permission to go wild on the page. You don’t have to be perfect. Just have fun. 

Yes, the taskmaster wants it all done without a fuss, without the mess of emotions. Ah, that impatient critic! It has little room for complaints. But sometimes an inner voice needs coaxing. Attend to it. This is not a performance, not a play. Unless it’s an imaginary game of let’s pretend. When you were little and talked to stuffed animals and made up games and dances did you ever wonder who might be watching or worry whether or not you were good enough? Is that what you’re afraid of? When did it start? Maybe you have many works in progress to see to completion. The same way you read books: stuck midway in the stack. 

Where to begin? Where to dig in? What were you last working on? Where did you leave it? Give it an hour, without any outcome in mind. Read your work through and jot down a few notes. Let curiosity lead. Sit with frustration. Allow the uncomfortable feelings and self-doubt to arise (“I don’t know where this is going!”). It’s okay not to know. Uncertainty is human. Later you can look for the big-picture view, mapping the manuscript.

How can you make writing more manageable, less insurmountable? Establish systems to support your creative life. Instead of listing all those aspirations, why not mark what’s done? Like a child’s incentive chart with stickers to celebrate any progress made. Too often we berate ourselves for being unproductive instead of honoring the small wins. 

Warming up your writing muscles may feel like starting anew at the gym; effort is required to pull yourself to and fro on the rowing machine before the flow. It’s tempting to spend your time reading about writing instead of writing. But putting off writing will only make it a chore. So many things compete for your attention. Later you can tally the credit card, get the groceries, look over that insurance policy, hang laundry on the line. 

Stop pushing those writerly dreams to the sidelines. Keep moving forward, step by small step. Now, look up and notice the inky sky switch to cobalt while you scribble.

Nicole R. Zimmerman (she/her) is a queer Jewish writer with an MFA from the University of San Francisco. Her writing, including nominations for the Pushcart Prize and The Best American Essays, appears in literary journals such as Sonora Review, The Rumpus, and Creative Nonfiction. Nicole lives with her wife on a sheep farm in Northern California and leads women’s writing workshops that follow the Amherst Writers & Artists method. https://www.nicolerzimmerman.com/